I think it all started last April. I was in a relationship, a pretty intense one. Don't ask me how it happened but towards the end of what seemed a pretty perfect pairing, I'd send a text to my sweetheart saying "I love you" or whatever and she'd reply with "lol kk". I told her that I needed her help as I was getting severely insecure, and when I told her this she got upset and angry with me.

A week later she left me.

Fast forward to the present, and I'm single, foot-loose and fancy-free, and part of a very, very close friendship with a girl called Hollie (ethereal-crow, you'll know who I mean), and every so often I feel really insecure about how she feels etc. Thing is, she's done nothing to warrant me feeling insecure, which is what makes it harder. I'll worry about things like:

Will she remember to get in touch with me?
Does she want to see me?
If I say 'I love you' will she say it back?

And other mundane things. Hmm, well, you see, they're not really worries, cos I know she loves me etc. They're more fears. It's like, just about everyone is scared of fire, yeah? You're scared about it but you don't worry about it, you just get on with your life. However, if you've been involved in like a housefire or whatever, you DO worry about it. It's the same thing. Everyone on Earth is scared of their loved ones turning their backs on them, but it rarely happens. It's really doing my head in, and is quite possibly the cause of my recent suicidal thoughts...

I've talked to Hollie about these feelings, and she's done her utmost to help me, and she really has made me improve my feelings and self esteem etc, but heck, it's still killing me slowly. Like I was looking forward to talking to her this evening, and I phoned to see if she was still up for it and she said she's too tired. Perfectly reasonable and fair enough and I know she's not lying. But do you know what? It's hit me REALLY hard, and it wouldn't do at any other time. It's ridiculous, but it feels like I wanna cry.

Someone, somewhere, help. Please!